During a recent retreat, a woman who returned to her third retreat asked: “Can we explore the reasons why we want children?” We started an exercise, writing on the board the collective reasons why everyone there so desperately wanted children. Some of the reasons were:
To leave a legacy;
To give my life meaning;
To experience unconditional love;
To be part of a family;
To fit in;
So that we can be like the other couples we know;
To experience the development of a new human being;
To pass on the things I have learned in my life.
Each woman had their own personal reason for wanting a child. When we stood back and looked at the list of reasons, we all saw in black and white the most obvious thing: None of the reasons required a child for its fulfillment. We can leave a legacy without a child. We can find meaning in life without a child. We can pass on the things we have learned, experience unconditional love, and fit in where we want to fit in – with or without children.
We also realized – if all of the “reasons” were taken care of by living a fulfilling life that doesn’t require us to place our needs on a child; the desire for a child remained. Yet now, it is unburdened by “reasons.”
Can you see that all of the reasons why you want a child are energetic attachments that you place on the desperate need to have a child? This unmet need becomes an energetic contraction, which, as far as the body’s wisdom is concerned, is placed on the category of scarcity. Lack. What I don’t have. And it creates more contraction – the form of stress hormones, which actually deprives the body of the ability to access and utilize the reproductive energies.
I encourage you to get very honest with yourself. You might want to try to journal about the reasons why you want/need a child. And fulfill those areas of lack with other aspects of your life. Then the pure longing for life has a greater likelihood for being fulfilled – unimpeded by the contraction/fear of its loss.