(Retreats, Lessons from Nature) One of our dear Fertile Soul sisters asked a very poignant question about beginning the process again. She has a beautiful son now, who did not come easily. The journey brought her to the point where it consumed her life - mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. The medical portion was traumatic as well, and was full of protocols, fear, and micromanaging anxiety. Her question was, how can she move from the memory of that trauma into welcoming a child into a life-embracing, no effort, miracle space. And further, what gives her the best chance being over forty with a history of high FSH?
Let's comb out some specifics, so we can get to the real issue.
First of all, with high FSH as part of the history, aggressive hormonal stimulation protocols are not recommended. Not only will your ovaries tend to remain non-responsive to the FSH, I think it would also bring back the physiologic reminders of shots, poor response, anxiety and fear. Perhaps trying naturally can become a process of moving into some non- or low dose stimulation protocols. Get as healthy as you can taking care of yourself with a toddler running around. I'd recommend the spleen qi diet, kidney tonic herbs, OPC, and fish oil to begin with.
Now, the bigger issue - when "trying" resumes, how can you stay out of the fight? Chances are, every step of the way may feel like a reminder of past "failures" and may pull you into anxiety producing places that you might not want to revisit. I look at this, though, as a chance to revisit the same place with a totally different, life affirming attitude. I imagine a battlefield where the ground had been trampled of all life and then lay dormant and fallow until new, fresh life emerges, regardless of what went before. Life still wants to emerge.
Everything that you experienced before will be held in the cells until it can encounter the same situation again, this time without the fight. So imagine going back to the field, where there is no longer a battle, inviting new life to emerge. What areas of your life need to be watered, aerated, nourished, or brought out into the sunlight? And every time you revisit a seeming "old" place in a new way, the old response can become compost for fresh growth.
If you come to a retreat we can work specifically with you on those issues, reprogramming the body into new life affirming approaches through our body wisdom groups. Every pregnancy is new. Every menstrual cycle is new. Every life is new. I hope we can welcome in another miracle with you.
With love and blessings,