Nothing will kill romance like cycle after cycle of ovulation monitoring and timed intercourse. I see loads of BBT charts where the intercourse column is empty all month long, and then around days 10-15, it is crowded with checkmarks. It makes me exhausted remembering those days myself, not that I was the one who had to perform – I was the “controller.” My husband had to try to perform according to the controller’s directives. Month after month, year after year, libido suffers, virility dwindles, and hearts close. Assisted technology, for many, seems like a relief, or at least a reprieve from the cycle of sex on demand. But then it becomes production on demand, which doesn’t seem to get many any closer to their goal. Virility lessons, despair settles in, and it seems that only great effort can accomplish what once was our greatest desire and release.

Remember when it was the heart’s connection that brought you and your spouse together? Remember when you made love and it opened you up? Remember when there was a freshness to your desires, which didn’t need to be forced? Can you find that again? Intimacy can’t be forced; the heart won’t allow it. The heart opens up when it is honored.

Life seems not to want to abide by our imposed rules. I remember when my daughter Kyra was in grade school; she loved to play games like hide and seek with her friends; yet sometimes she would make up her own rules as they went along, and nobody enjoyed playing with her anymore. She couldn’t understand why they weren’t having as much fun as she was. When we were in China, she missed the known comforts of home, and loved to go to McDonald’s Playplace. I overheard her demanding of one of her young Chinese friends, “Why can’t you just speak English!?” Her friend, like life, knew, she simply couldn’t play by someone else’s rules, and walked away.

In my own situation, like many others I see, it was only when we stopped forcing it that the heart could open back up, connect to the womb, and let life through. It happened during the months our timing was off, that we were sure we “missed it.” Life never abided by my rules; it always had its own laws, which I couldn’t harness or control. I couldn’t even pray my way around them. I found I could, however, live in accordance with the laws of the universe. I could eat as nature provided, when I was hungry. I could exercise when my body wanted to move, emote when I was full of feelings, and sleep when I was tired. I could follow the energy of my heart instead of my brain. And my physiology seemed to open up and say, “yes” again. Each time, it boggled the mind. Wouldn’t you know, it happened when we weren’t trying; when we thought we missed it.

It was as if every time, life was beckoning me to the recognition that it had its own inviolate laws that I was a part of, if only I would play along instead of making life play by my rules.

Romance belongs to the heart; not the mind. Live in accordance with love.