The Pain of Wanting

Nobody walks the journey of fertility struggles without pain. Although it begins with hope, when physical obstructions are not overcome and the desire for a child is not fulfilled, it leaves in its wake frustration, disappointment, sorrow, and at times despair. Natural healing methods like Chinese Medicine can help alleviate some of the  physical challenges that come with infertility. When, for example. hormone levels are elevated, clearing the liver meridian can restore hormonal balance. But what can help overcome the pain of wanting?

The liver governs the smooth transitions of internal processes such as hormonal metabolism, detoxification, and according to Chinese medicine, stuck emotions. The greatest cause of liver qi stagnation is said to be unfulfilled desires and it's residual pain, which we often attempt to ignore, or suppress in order not to feel its sting. Unfortunately, rejecting any emotion further constrains the liver energies, aggravating underlying hormonal imbalances. So, if we don't ignore or suppress the emotions and don't wish to wallow in the pain, how do we get out of this Catch-22?

It's actually quite simple. The remedy for liver qi constraint is allowing everything to be as it is. Allowing the desire, the frustration, the grief... all of it. In fact, right now feel the pain of wanting. If you fully experience it, it is raw and biting. If you turn away from this pain, although you may not experience it as fully, it still lives as energy below the surface, which is held in  the liver meridian. It seems like having a child will take away this pain, yet it won't. You cannot enter motherhood without this pain. It is the other side of love. This pain will not go away when you are pregnant, when your child is born, when she worries you sick, becomes ill, leaves home, or starts her own family. That pain will definitely not go away. You don't want it to, and your liver knows it. Motherhood is not one sided, fluffy, happy love. The fierce love for your children will torment you through sleepless nights, poor grades, lost friends, and missed curfews.

Let the pain live in the light of your own awareness where it can no longer hurt your body. Stop turning away from one of your greatest gifts - the tempering power that comes from the other side of love. Allow the hurt, the anger, and the fear to see daylight, too, so they can flow through and ease the stress from holding them back.

Motherhood can be messy, worrisome, and painfully wonderful. Don't cower away from your own pain. Find the courage to fully experience it, and you will find at its core: love.