Resetting The Cycle of Hope vs. Despair

No matter what your TCM diagnosis is – kidney yin deficiency, dampness, blood stasis… when the pattern of imbalance is addressed, we also need to address the mental pattern of effort and frustration as an inherent aspect of the fertility journey. I have had three children. Each began with a dream, as a gift from beyond; but not one of them came through my efforts to bring this dream into actuality. They came of their own accord. The only thing that got in my way, causing my state of “in-fertility” were my efforts to control or to think that I could bring about their coming. This trying blocked off the light of spirit and depleted my yin, as I wound myself deeper and deeper into frustration and despair.

Remember when you first visited the possibility of having a child? Most often, hope was high, and effort was low. There might have been a great amount of excitement as you looked toward the possibility of having a child. Yet, when desire itself did not bring forth the results you expected and time went on, hope dwindled and you tried harder.

This is the typical cycle of hope becoming despair, and effort resulting in frustration. There comes a crisis point at which your body/mind goes into a state of panic. It seems that no matter what you do, nothing happens. Frustration mounts. When trying results in frustration and hope results in despair, the human condition cannot continue for long without building up an immense reserve of stress hormones. This cycle itself interferes with conception. The cells become less receptive to hormonal cues. Adrenal hormones rise as the reproductive hormones take a back seat. We are in crisis.

Regardless of where you are on your fertility journey, you simply cannot go back in time to try to recreate a false sense of hope. You cannot fight what is - your inner truth and wisdom won’t allow it. Yet, when you find yourself in a state of despair, don’t fight it. Feel the feelings that are associated with despair and frustration. Usually this state is bound up with fear, worry, anger, and grief. When you can feel these feelings, then you can move beyond them. Be where you are, as you are, how you are. Then the system can be reset. Frustration unwinds and hope can shine through again. Hope is already there, moment to moment. It is not something that we can create in the future. We lose sight of present hope when we are trying to figure out how to have hope again.