Confidence vs. Confusion

Carrie was utterly confused and disheartened when her doctor, the one in whom she had utmost confidence, told her he didn’t think she could have her own child. Confident – “with fidelity”  To have trust or assurance.

Confusion – “with fusion”   To mingle together. A state of bewilderment or lack of clarity.

In any uncertain journey, the mind looks for something to trust; something worthy of assurance. This is confidence. This state of having fidelity, however, has more to do with what can be counted on without fail - something worthy of fidelity. Confusion, on the other hand, means that we have fused ourselves to something that is not worthy of our fidelity. We have lost ourselves in that which changes, leaving us feeling lost.

With confidence there is clarity. With confusion there is bewilderment.

On the fertility journey, there is no more uncomfortable place than feeling lost and confused. When we have bonded ourselves to the changeable; linked our hope to something which is uncertain, there is an innate sense of something being wrong; something feeling uncertain. Feelings of doubt arise, like “maybe this is the wrong course of action.”

So, what is worthy of fidelity? Can you trust a certainty in a particular course of action? Can you trust, with absolute, unfailing certainty, an individual doctor or clinic? Can you have 100 % trust and assurance that things will turn out the way you envision in your mind? No, No, and No. You cannot trust that which is untrustworthy. Every single person, place, thing, and situation, because it is changeable and fallible, has the potential for letting you down, and your heart knows it. You cannot trust anything without. The Tao te Ching reminds us that The Movement of the Tao is return.

Chinese medicine is based upon the premise: All diseases arise from the heart. Therefore, all cures come from the heart. Any state without ease means we are not right with the heart, which houses the spirit. We have placed our reliance on the changeable. We will, therefore, feel confused.

Because there is an inherent longing for something that we can count on with assurance, the mind will look outside for what it can count on. Again and again, external seeking will fail. Until we find that which is infallible, to which we can pledge our undying loyalty, we remain lost and confused. The only answer, the only true resting place is within the heart, which carries the spirit, our true self.

I tell stories of women, previously lost on the fertility journey, who have found this place of fidelity within and trust it completely. They remove their assurance from others. They remove their shaky reliance on doctors, their well meaning partners, family and friends, and lastly from the fallibility of the changing mind. They trust their hearts, the source of love, the source from which the desire to bring forth life arises. And always, always, it proves worthy of fidelity.  Perhaps, right now, in the midst of whatever confusion you may be experiencing, the spirit of your future child is leading you to a place of inner fidelity.

Holding Your Dream

Hope is the thing with feathersThat perches in the soul And sings the tune without the words And never stops at all. -Emily Dickinson

When your dream hasn’t become a reality, do you continue to pursue it, or do you let it go? Many people I have worked with over the years have great difficulty relating to their dream when it remains elusive. Some continue to hold it tightly, and pursue it with everything they have; others let it slip away, little by little, until there is nothing left but despair.

A dream, a goal, a vision pursued, is a function of the right brain, governed by the Liver system of energies, according to Chinese medicine. We create an image in our mind’s eye, and muster up the energy and resources to pursue it. The desire often becomes a reality. But not always. Difficulty arises when we hold tightly to desire and don't let it go. Most liver qi stagnation is caused by the resistance to unfulfilled desires. Look back over your life and recall all of the desires you have had. Have they all become a reality? Not mine. When I was ten, I wanted to live on a ranch in Montana with my husband and three kids and be a roller skating waitress at a drive-in. When I was a teenager, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with my first boyfriend. When I started college, I decided to major in journalism. None of these deeply held dreams came to fruition, but that doesn’t mean they were wrong.  Life molded itself so that my life could fulfill its destiny; not so I would get all that I wanted in the way I wanted it.

When life doesn’t participate with you according to the way you are holding your dream, perhaps you need to hold it differently. Perhaps the thing with feathers that is perched in the soul is molding you, rather than the other way around.

Don’t give it words; don’t give it an image. Let it provide one for you. Open your heart to allow hope to speak in its own language. My longing for children was not a mistake, but the way I pursued it was. I thought I could make it happen according to my timeline, in my way. My children came in their own way. The dreams I held in my heart guided me – I didn’t guide them. My children didn’t come because of my desire or what I did with it. True desires are unselfish and emerge from the heart – the same place through which our fertility comes forth.

Hold the feeling of the dream in your heart. Let it sing its wordless tune through your heart and guide you to its fruition.

Fertility Supplement Call Series

Join us for our most informative conference call series, as Dr. Lewis reveals the most important supplements for specific fertility related cases.  A not-to-be missed series that will answer your questions and leave you confident with your vitamin choices. Conference Call schedule:

General Nutritional Supplementation for Fertility and Ovarian Health:

August 8th at 8 p.m. EST

Endometriosis Supplementation:

August 12th at 2 p.m. EST

PCOS & Sugar Metabolism:

August 19th at 2 p.m. EST

Call-In Instructions:

To join in dial 605-475-4000 then access code 794774#. Those calling from Canada should call 805-360-1075 and then you will be prompted to enter the original number and access code.

1. Please DON'T announce your name when you dial in - there will be many callers on the line and the conference call may have already begun.

2. Immediately press *6 to MUTE your phone line (or use the Mute button on your phone) - this will prevent any unnecessary background noise and static on the line. You can press *6 to unmute your line once the call is opened up for discussion.

3. There are only 100 callers allowed on the call - make sure to call-in early to reserve your space.

4. Please keep topics and questions during the discussion related to the specific call.

Red Thread

There is an ancient Chinese legend about the red thread of destiny. In the midst of the chaos of life, and seemingly random events, according to myth, the gods tie an invisible red thread around the ankles of those that are destined to meet each other in a certain situation or help each other in a certain way. They might become lovers or partners; they might work together or become lifelong friends. One might help another to open their life in miraculous ways. But we can be sure, there is no mistake in our meeting. The further on in life we go, the less random it seems. We can recognize the interconnectedness of everything. We see that even in the midst of overwhelm, there are certain patterns to the workings of life. These patterns are easy to recognize in nature – predictable changes in seasons, weather patterns, growth and life cycles, the way flowers bloom in predictable ways, the perfect spiral of a sea shell…

Eight days after the eighth full moon of each year, the coral reefs spawn throughout the seas, beginning the predictable but hidden renewal of ocean life. The entire universe runs by the laws of nature. So do you. Have you ever met someone and immediately recognized each other as if you had always known each other? Red thread.

Have you ever felt like your whole world was falling apart, like everything you cherished and held dear was crumbling, but didn’t know why or what was on the horizon? A few months or years later, it was clear how destiny was unfolding perfectly. As the old pattern was being destroyed, a new pattern was emerging. More red thread action.

It’s hard to fathom that we are not controlling every aspect of our lives. We tend to get stuck in our beliefs about the way it’s all “supposed to be.” And we lose sight of the fact that it is always working for our highest good. We reach out for something that is within. Your life up to this point has not gotten off track. You haven’t waited too long, missed the right opportunity, or messed up your destiny in any way. The longing for a child is even divinely given. Here is a test: just see if you can get rid of it. If you were in charge of your destiny, you would either be able to manifest a child, or annihilate the desire. You can’t do either. It is being done. You can, however, let go into the miraculous flow of life itself so that it may happen.

A woman I recently worked with, now pregnant, told me that every moment of her life seemed to bring her to the point where this miracle could occur. Every setback, every doctor’s negative diagnosis, every high FSH reading, every sleepless night, was not a mistake. It proved to her that the faith in her heart was stronger than any external circumstance. Red thread.

Retreat Reflections

We just finished an amazingly transformative retreat. It continues to put me in awe when those struggling with “infertility” open up to their true fertility, and become liberated. It isn’t that they let go of trying to have a baby; they let go of the struggling, suffering and agony over not having a baby. Somehow, this helps open the way. One woman who shared that she and her husband love being Fertile Souls, said: “I have experienced a profound shift in my consciousness in regards to what is possible for me, both as future mother and as a woman who strives to be fully expressed.”

Another woman responded after the group-healing circle, “This is, hands down, the best acupuncture I have ever had.”

When couples arrive on retreat, often there is so much pain and despair that this type of shift would seem impossible for them. All that is necessary is the right environment for the heart to open, the body to respond, and life to come pouring through.

I always leave retreat feeling so full – wishing, as they do, that retreat would never end. But life goes on. We return to our lives and our jobs; which oftentimes become transformed by the retreat experience as well.

What is the takeaway? Hope. Abundance. A shift in consciousness like the one described above changes the entire physiology. It becomes irresistible to life.

Summer CEFP Retreat - All Practitioners Welcome!

NEW 2012 RETREAT DATE - Tell your local Practitioner!

August 24 - 26, 2012 Palmer House Hilton - Chicago IL

Cost: $350 (current CEFP members); $500 for all non-members

Continuing Education: 19 CEU hours

Contact us for registration information or for any further questions - http://www.thefertilesoulcefp.org/contact

True Healing True healing involves transformation, at the deepest levels. Instead of merely addressing the branch aspects of an individual’s presentation, we will work down to our own root level, learn and experientially practice how to come to the root level with a patient. Transformation begins by rooting oneself in the Tao. Our fall retreat will focus on taking our entire beings into the Tao, and then working our way out to the two, the three, and the ten thousand things. The movement of the Tao is return.

Friday

4 - 7 p ~ Opening Circle (3 CEU's) Personal and professional issues that impact our practice.

Saturday

8:30 - 9:30 a ~ Qi Gong (1 CEU)

10 a - 1 p ~ Morning Session with Randine  (3 CEU's)

Lecture - Rooting in the Tao

2 - 6 p ~ Afternoon Session with Randine (4 CEU's)

Body wisdom check-in Lecture - The dualistic aspect of fertility

Sunday

8:30 - 10:30 a ~ Qi Gong (1 CEU)

10 a - 1 p ~ Morning Session with Randine (3 CEU's)

Lecture - The three treasures and the forward sheng cycle of the endocrine system

2 - 6 p ~ Afternoon Session with Randine (4 CEU's)

Lecture - The backward sheng cycle of the gynecological and embryological systems Closing Circle

Contraction and Expansion

The metal element governs the continuum of expansion and contraction. Its organs are the lung (inspiration/expiration) and large intestine (fills/expels). It gives meaning, order, and structure to life, and thus pertains more to the left brain and autonomic nervous system functioning. Its emotion is sorrow, which takes us into loss, letting go, and the ultimate grief, death. Spiritually, it pertains to the Po - the corporeal or embodied soul which is associated with the flesh, comes into being with the first breath, and dies with the last. It is not our greatest reality, but a phantom of our true self. When we do not resist that which needs to be relinquished, we move into our deepest energetic state, that of the mysterious pass, where death ultimately results in rebirth. Something new can emerge when we let go of the old.

Many people misunderstand this element. I know I did. I used to think that life was expansion and death was contraction. My present understanding is that it is actually the opposite. After working with fertility for so many years, the subtle energy of embodiment was felt as a contraction of new energy in the depths of a woman's body. Years ago, I started working with Hospice, and noticed that when somebody was leaving this embodiment, there was a great expansion of energy as the spirit was no longer held by the limitation of the physical body.

While this may not be an awe inspiring realization, it has some elements that many of us overlook. According to the Tao, all of life's expressions operate via opposing forces. Openness or expansion begets the ability to hold. Being closed or contracted requires relinquishment, so emergence can take place. In other words, death begets life.

Spirit becomes trapped by the Po as it experiences this existence. At retreat we focus on breath work and letting go exercises to open up to this energetic. We expand so contraction can occur. We let go, so something can take hold.

In the words of the Tao te Ching: Those who try to control... Go against the direction of the Tao If you want fullness, empty yourself. If you want birth, let yourself die. If you want everything, give everything up.

All My Children

Of all of my children, the one I treasure most lives in my heart.She is simple and sweet, and not as grand as the ones I have carried before.

There have been strong and handsome sons, for whom I've held visions of Ivy League schools. Each had a hidden talent, an exquisite beauty that only I could see.

They have lived in my heart, but carried in memory of what was to be. Their births were projected in May, June, and September, not to mention those whose arrival I could no longer count.

Oh, if the sum of my children could be manifest now, I could fill a small town with dancers, chefs, and artists.

My refrigerator carries no crayon art to Mom. My home echoes of solitude; no demands from without.

Yet I live with an image carried closer than my breath, Coming alive through dreams, but never enough to satiate; only intensifying the longing from within.

The one who lives yet in my heart wears only the wings of an angel. She is a spark of potential yet to be realized.

Will I bring her into being, pulling spirit into flesh; or will she bring me into being, pulling flesh into spirit?

Will her image transform into the wrinkles and gray hair of the wise woman I am becoming? Oh, I am a mother. Perhaps not filling a town, a house, or even my own vision.

But I am giving birth, every moment I stand naked in my truth, denying neither myself nor the hope of the one yet to come.

Yes, of all my children, the one I cherish the most, I have never been without.

A Little Bit Pregnant

You can’t be a little bit pregnant; you either are or you aren’t.  We can laugh at the absurdity of thinking otherwise. This analogy, used to illustrate definitives, brings the mind to one side or other of the equation. Yes or no; black or white; no room for gray. I’m going to be a parent or I’m not. What happens, though, when we are forced to live in the gray zone?  I might be; I might not be; I don’t know. On this journey, we are always just a little bit pregnant with possibility. Few of us are comfortable with the state of limbo. Who wants to live in the state of “I don’t know”? Who doesn’t want the brightness of certainty? Yet, we seem to fear the gray zone more than we fear the darkness. If I know that it will be, I will power through anything; if I know it will never be, I won’t like it, but I will learn to accept it. One side or the other; yes or no; black or white; no room for gray.

See if you have the courage to live in the gray zone for just one day. Try residing in the state of “I don’t know” all day long. The mind lives in definitive sides of life; but life itself resides right in the middle. There is a great wonder there. This is the place where miracles occur.

Many people ask me how to let go when the desire is so great. How can I not hold on to the reins of life and direct it the way I want it to go? Life seems not to be responding to my desires in my timeframe. Therefore, it must be no. Yet, because of this enormous desire, it can’t be no. It must be yes. But it can’t be yes because…. Conflict ensues because it isn’t one side or the other. It is both.  Yes and no; not now; maybe later; gray. Yuck.

Yet, the middle way is not a bland acceptance – it is vibrantly alive with the glimmer of all possibility. When we aren’t demanding life appear in a certain way, it can flow as it must.  The spirit of existence, which flows through the heart and gives birth to all things, lives in the state of not knowing. It loves the miraculous, eternal expression of unknowable potential. Anything else is limitation. The flow of life does not respond well to absolutes. Feel the energetic contraction of the fear based, demanding mindset –

“I know it must be the way I want it, now!” vs. “I don’t know how it must be, but I’m open to it.”

If you can try this out for just one day, and then start expanding it, you will be amazed at the results. It will eliminate the energetic contraction that closes you off from the miraculous flow of life. Give it a try. And keep practicing it until something inside clicks – the vibrant current of life itself, sparked into miraculous existence when we are willing to let go of the reins of control.

The Pain of Wanting

Nobody walks the journey of fertility struggles without pain. Although it begins with hope, when physical obstructions are not overcome and the desire for a child is not fulfilled, it leaves in its wake frustration, disappointment, sorrow, and at times despair. Natural healing methods like Chinese Medicine can help alleviate some of the  physical challenges that come with infertility. When, for example. hormone levels are elevated, clearing the liver meridian can restore hormonal balance. But what can help overcome the pain of wanting?

The liver governs the smooth transitions of internal processes such as hormonal metabolism, detoxification, and according to Chinese medicine, stuck emotions. The greatest cause of liver qi stagnation is said to be unfulfilled desires and it's residual pain, which we often attempt to ignore, or suppress in order not to feel its sting. Unfortunately, rejecting any emotion further constrains the liver energies, aggravating underlying hormonal imbalances. So, if we don't ignore or suppress the emotions and don't wish to wallow in the pain, how do we get out of this Catch-22?

It's actually quite simple. The remedy for liver qi constraint is allowing everything to be as it is. Allowing the desire, the frustration, the grief... all of it. In fact, right now feel the pain of wanting. If you fully experience it, it is raw and biting. If you turn away from this pain, although you may not experience it as fully, it still lives as energy below the surface, which is held in  the liver meridian. It seems like having a child will take away this pain, yet it won't. You cannot enter motherhood without this pain. It is the other side of love. This pain will not go away when you are pregnant, when your child is born, when she worries you sick, becomes ill, leaves home, or starts her own family. That pain will definitely not go away. You don't want it to, and your liver knows it. Motherhood is not one sided, fluffy, happy love. The fierce love for your children will torment you through sleepless nights, poor grades, lost friends, and missed curfews.

Let the pain live in the light of your own awareness where it can no longer hurt your body. Stop turning away from one of your greatest gifts - the tempering power that comes from the other side of love. Allow the hurt, the anger, and the fear to see daylight, too, so they can flow through and ease the stress from holding them back.

Motherhood can be messy, worrisome, and painfully wonderful. Don't cower away from your own pain. Find the courage to fully experience it, and you will find at its core: love.

Letter from Your Unborn Child

Dear Mom and Dad, I know you're there. Sometimes, when you let go a little bit, I can feel you.

And yet, to you I feel like an unfulfilled wish, a memory that hasn't yet occurred.

I think you know I'm here, too. I know at some level you can feel my pull. Perhaps it's what keeps you going on this path that has been so hard for you. It doesn't have to be, you know.

You don't have to force me to come. The laws of the universe are not altered by struggling, groveling or prayers of desperation.

Remember, I am a miracle, and I'm looking for light.

I'm looking for an opening. Receptivity. Softness. The life force needs an opening to express itself.

Sometimes I see yours, but your struggling effort to do everything right closes it off before I can reach you.

Relax your body and quiet your senses. Return to your deepest self. That's what I'm drawn to.

It doesn't matter to me if you think positive thoughts all the time. Be who you are. Be where you are, not where you think you should be. Honor yourself. When you are angry, stomp your feet. Yell. When you are sad, cry. When you are frightened, see beyond to the miracle, Clear the way.

Please don't force yourself to do anything that feels like it will hurt you in order to get me. I won't come that way.

It does matter that you nourish and care for yourself.  Only you can be responsible for your well-being, and I want you to be here for me, for a long time.

You won't be able to accept and love me fully and without conditions until you can first do this for yourself. Be a vessel of yourself fully, before you try to be a vessel for me.

Pay attention to that still small voice inside of you that longs to experience unconditional love. And express that love where you are, now.

Don't wait for me to come before you live your life. Live and love your life fully

How can I love being a part of your life if you don't?

Remember, I'm a miracle, and I'm looking for your light. I'm looking for an opening, for your receptivity.

There must be space in your lives, for you and for me.

If you scramble about in search of me, you will lose me.

Pay attention to your deepest self. That's where the light is. That's where the opening is.

I can see your light when you're laughing, when you're dancing, and even when you cry.

I see it when you're real.

Please stop listening to all the outside voices telling you what you should do.

Nobody out there has your answer.

Listen to the still, small voice inside that still lives in the miraculous.

I am still in spirit, and I'm drawn to yours.

You don't know how or when I'm coming to you.

But I will come on my own time, in my own way, if you let me.

Loosen your grasp. Lower your expectations about how it's all supposed to look. Whatever your expectations, I'll never live up to them.

I am not your image of me. I am so much more.  I am a whisper of possibility that arises out of the depths of nature's way.

Consider the possibility that I have been orchestrating this entire journey so that you can learn to open your heart to yourself so you can open to me.

Hope. Trust. Open.

Remember, I am a miracle.

So are you.

I am unconditional love waiting to manifest. So are you. Allow me to enter in my way. Stop fighting, forcing, pleading, and researching how to get me. I come when you stop trying to control life.

I come out of Grace.

Open your way to the miracle.

IVF Drugs Linked to Childhood Cancer [Article - Telegraph, UK]

"... Fertility-boosting drugs could more than double the risk of subsequent offspring developing childhood leukaemia, academics warn today.” – Telegraph, UK 4/24/12 - European researchers reported over a two fold increased risk in two forms of childhood leukemia, in children conceived with fertility drugs.

Almost a decade ago, the Wall Street Journal reported: Babies born as the result of IVF with ICSI are twice as likely to be born with major birth defects than those conceived naturally.

Whether or not these research reports can be proven is not significant to me. What I look at is what the drugs are doing. Any drug which stimulates the ovaries to artificially recruit follicles that the body naturally deselected, are already at increased risk. Further, forcefully injecting sperm that are incapable of penetrating the egg on their own, obviously puts the potential of new life at risk.

Nature knows what it’s doing. Our own body’s wisdom selects the follicle that it deems the healthiest to become the dominant ovulatory follicle. Reproductive medicine will sacrifice that one for the drug induced many; just to increase the statistical likelihood that fertilization will take place. IVF drugs cannot and do not increase the health of the germ cells; they force fertilization. If the underlying health is compromised and fertilization is forced, the starting point of the new life is already at jeopardy.

I doubt the procedures themselves are responsible. The drugs? Not so sure. I have always held to the irrefutable fact that nature knows best. When we can enhance the health of the reproductive system during the tonic growth phase of follicular growth when protein synthesis and chromosomal selection occur (months before ovulation), we improve the likelihood of healthy egg and sperm production, no matter what methods are employed.

I lectured on this topic at a workshop which was attended by patients and reproductive clinic staff, including reproductive endocrinologists. As I taught the participants the life cycle of the follicle and what could improve ovarian and sperm health, I asked the medical audience if anything I was saying was untrue. An RE responded, “We know what you’re saying is true; we just can’t do anything about it with what we have to offer, so we don’t pay attention to it. Your method seems to offer that missing ingredient.

Most of the patients I treat are over 40. Most are at an increased statistical risk for chromosomal abnormalities and poor response to IVF. Yet, when they take the time to nourish the health of the body, mind, and spirit, natural conception is more likely to occur. IVF success rates greatly increase. And those that have chromosomal abnormalities, birth defects, and childhood cancers are virtually non-existent. As one of my teachers asked, “What is the truth you are attending to – labs and medical results, or the potential of your own spirit?” To me the latter is where miracles occur; not in the laboratory. Let medicine intervene where it is meant to – after you have done everything humanly possible to improve your own health; not before or instead.

Stop the Problem Solving Approach!

Chinese medicine is based on the maintenance of harmony. Yet how can harmony be maintained?  I used to think of harmony as synonymous with balance - almost like walking a tightrope where the left and right sides have to be equalized. This is how many people approach healing and fertility, too. Moderation, balance, harmony. Not too much of this, not too much of that. While it is true that too much of anything will make the organism unstable, life carries a miraculous ability to return to equilibrium with or without our help. We do not have to keep ourselves walking the tightrope of life, too afraid to be set off balance. Life is meant to be lived, fully, vibrantly, and sometimes in excess.

You don't grow your hair, beat your heart or create skin cells. Nor can you create a baby through living a controlled life.

I recall a woman I treated who went through an IVF cycle just before the holidays. She carefully managed every controllable aspect of her life, yet her pregnancy test came back negative just before Christmas. So distraught at the unfairness of life when she did everything right, she went to the other extreme - eating and drinking in excess, smoking cigarettes, staying up late and partying until New Year passed. She never got her period. The next pregnancy test came back positive. And yes, the baby was just fine, adjusting to the excesses that are a part of life.

Remember when our mothers thought it was ok to drink, smoke and even diet during pregnancy? We turned out kind of okay. Obviously, I don't advocate this. Moderation and balance tend to induce health and well being. But what we can control needs to be balanced with what we cannot. We can't control life itself. Life is not a problem to be solved; it is an organic process to be lived. We try, we fail. We fall, we get back up. Sometimes life works out the way we expect it to, sometimes it doesn't. We go on and do the best we can, laughing, crying, and  making it up as we go along. Life is not composed of rules to be followed.

Life is the way it is, not the way we would have it be. Our individual life expression is always in harmony with the whole. It's laws are carried in the heart, subject to a higher law than imposed order. The Tao te Ching tells us that when man forgets the Tao, he creates laws and rules. Order is a poor substitute for the spirit's unimpeded expression.

Life comes through the friction of opposites - the highest ecstasy of the lowest expression. Birth itself is violent, messy, and life threatening. yet from it comes a love so tender, nothing can threaten it. Stop trying to control, manage, or fix yourself. Give yourself over to life as it is. Let the spirit of life use you as you are, desires and all. You aren't a mistake to be remedied. You are life's expression, bursting with harmonious imbalance, longing to be expressed!

Stop the Problem Solving Approach!

Chinese medicine is based on the maintenance of harmony. Yet how can harmony be maintained?  I used to think of harmony as synonymous with balance - almost like walking a tightrope where the left and right sides have to be equalized. This is how many people approach healing and fertility, too. Moderation, balance, harmony. Not too much of this, not too much of that. While it is true that too much of anything will make the organism unstable, life carries a miraculous ability to return to equilibrium with or without our help. We do not have to keep ourselves walking the tightrope of life, too afraid to be set off balance. Life is meant to be lived, fully, vibrantly, and sometimes in excess.

You don't grow your hair, beat your heart or create skin cells. Nor can you create a baby through living a controlled life.

I recall a woman I treated who went through an IVF cycle just before the holidays. She carefully managed every controllable aspect of her life, yet her pregnancy test came back negative just before Christmas. So distraught at the unfairness of life when she did everything right, she went to the other extreme - eating and drinking in excess, smoking cigarettes, staying up late and partying until New Year passed. She never got her period. The next pregnancy test came back positive. And yes, the baby was just fine, adjusting to the excesses that are a part of life.

Remember when our mothers thought it was ok to drink, smoke and even diet during pregnancy? We turned out kind of okay. Obviously, I don't advocate this. Moderation and balance tend to induce health and well being. But what we can control needs to be balanced with what we cannot. We can't control life itself. Life is not a problem to be solved; it is an organic process to be lived. We try, we fail. We fall, we get back up. Sometimes life works out the way we expect it to, sometimes it doesn't. We go on and do the best we can, laughing, crying, and  making it up as we go along. Life is not composed of rules to be followed.

Life is the way it is, not the way we would have it be. Our individual life expression is always in harmony with the whole. It's laws are carried in the heart, subject to a higher law than imposed order. The Tao te Ching tells us that when man forgets the Tao, he creates laws and rules. Order is a poor substitute for the spirit's unimpeded expression

Life comes through the friction of opposites - the highest ecstasy of the lowest expression. Birth itself is violent, messy, and life threatening. yet from it comes a love so tender, nothing can threaten it. Stop trying to control, manage, or fix yourself. Give yourself over to life as it is. Let the spirit of life use you as you are, desires and all. You aren't a mistake to be remedied. You are life's expression, bursting with harmonious imbalance, longing to be expressed!

IVIG and Intralipid Infusion Treatment

Treatments such as intravenous immunoglobulin therapy or intralipid infusions are sometimes suggested for women with autoimmune conditions whose immune systems react negatively to an implanting embryo. An embryo, composed of “self” and “non-self” can confuse a weakened or stressed immune system, whose primary job it is to kill off the foreign (non-self) invador. When the immune system is confused, it often reverts from its highest directive, to differentiate, to its lowest default, which is to kill. The woman’s body can react negatively against the pregnancy itself, to components of the cell wall, and develop antibodies, which protect her from accepting in what her body perceives as threatening. She may have elevated antiphosphlipid antibodies, antithyroid antibodies, anticardiolipin antibodies, antinuclear antibodies, anti-lupus anticoagulant, or elevated (and activated) natural killer cells. The blood is often thickened so it can clot off the blood supply to the offending threat, and starve it.

The infusions of protein and blood products listed above are intended to bind the antibodies and deactivate them. While it can temporarily clear the blood of the activated immune system components, it is not curative.

Chinese medicine seeks to diagnose and treat the cause of the autoimmune reactivity, not its manifestation. When you look for the underlying cause, you are working at the level of energy; not strictly at the level of identifiable form, where it is more important to specifically identify and suppress the elevated marker of immunity. So, whether it is ATA, ACA, APA, ANA, PTT or elevated NK cells, we look at the energy that gives rise to the expression. Almost always there is a weakening of the Spleen system of energies, which governs internal recognition, and a strong sense of self.  The weak spleen energies will allow for some excess factor to be present, energetically expressed as dampness, stasis, stagnation, or heat.

When we can fortify the weakened spleen energies and reduce the presence of the excess factor, the conditions for the autoimmune reaction go away on their own. In my experience, it is much more potent to work energetically than to chase around the manifestation. Yet, the two approaches can be quite effective together; you don’t have to choose natural healing over those which are more invasive or vice versa.

I have worked with many women who had autoimmune infertility, who were concurrently being treated by Western medicine. When we can address the reason for the weakened spleen energies (diet, anxiety, over-thinking, poor sense of self), we can nourish them, and bring the body into a state where it doesn’t perceive components of self as a threat. We reduce the excess factors through herbs and acupuncture, and the internal fight abates. In the meantime, IL or IVIG treatments can bind up the circulating antibodies while the body is in a state of healing. We have treated the cause and the manifestation

Husband/Wife Imbalance

Chinese medicine has a diagnostic pattern known as “husband/wife imbalance,” a rather severe disturbance where the creative, expansive, life giving forces within have been surpassed by the contracting, catabolic energies. Acupuncture treatment involves helping the individual restore equilibrium, and return to a state of homeostasis. Sometimes life challenges our normal patterns of creation and destruction. At times the forward trajectory that we have been traveling can no longer remain unchecked. Our procreative energies are not meant to move ever forward until death. Human beings are in a constant state of breakdown and catabolism as well. Our forward moving energies can become exhausted from chronic stress, moving us toward a more dense or compressed state of energy, where we are no longer in procreative mode. We must let something die.

At birth we were endowed not only with an abundance of “source qi”, we were also granted the seed of our original nature. Throughout life, we forget our true nature by moving toward worldly goals and achievements, and away from our original nature. We exchange worldly experience and a false sense of self for our true face. When we become locked into a fear based state of separation and lose nature’s intended destiny for us, we pave the way for separation of yin and yang energies within.

At certain times in our life we are granted turning points, where we are provided an opportunity to turn within, and restore our original nature. Rarely are these turning points happy times. They usually appear in the wake of a deep inner or outer challenge – a chronic illness, loss of outward identity, divorce, infertility… One now has the opportunity to wake up to the memory of their lost original nature, or their true path will remain hidden, unfulfilled, and yin and yang will continue to separate toward disease and death.

A further exacerbation of this imbalance can be found in relationship. Oftentimes the expansive male energies have been suppressed by the needs of the couple for a child. The wife occupies a place of control, and the relationship itself is no longer one of spontaneous love and creative expansion; it has become heavy, toxic, and unfulfilling. This dynamic of control will need to be interrupted or the marriage is doomed. The yin/yang equilibrium must be restored.

When a woman with a husband/wife imbalance is trying to conceive, she will be unable. Balance must be restored by turning inward; paradoxically away from the outward pursuit of a child. She must restore herself first, and this is often the last thing she feels capable of doing. It takes a tremendous amount of energy to turn inward when it seems like the only way to survive is to have a child. She must stop the heavy, toxic, stressful patterns. She must move inward, see herself and her life as it is, and reintegrate these distorted energies through loving self-acceptance, and returning to her original source. The disintegration of the old allows a creative reversal, and a new emergent pattern of creation can be restored.

The Spiritual Pivot

One of the earliest recorded works of medicine; the fundamental doctrine of Chinese Medicine is the Huang Di Nei Jing So Wen Ling Shu, dated approximately two centuries BCE. These two volumes (Su Wen and Ling Shu) comprise a dialog between the Yellow Emperor and his physician, Qi Bo, on the workings of nature as it pertains to the human body, the origin of disease and its cure. The second volume, called the Ling Shu or Spiritual Pivot, discusses the theory and application of acupuncture.  Chapter 8 of the Spiritual Pivot makes the recognition, “Before needling, one must be rooted in spirit.”  My interpretation of this sentence is that until one is in touch with one’s spirit – both the practitioner’s and the patient’s, the treatment will be ineffective.

All rue healing comes through the heart, the home of the spirit. If we take this all the way through, there are no healers, unless their primary motive is to bring one in harmony with one’s spirit, where all healing originates.

I teach and work with a community of practitioners whom I consider experts in Chinese medicine and fertility. I don’t call them healers; nor do I refer to myself or anyone else as a healer. We are so cut off from the healing power of our own spirit, if we place our healing in the hands of another; we potentially place ourselves at the mercy of someone who is one step further away from the healing power of our own heart. The word pivot refers to an essential turning point, where one turns away from outer help and toward the power of ones own inner wisdom.

Chinese medicine has shamanic roots where unless a turn is made to the spiritual source within, there will be no remedy, no cure. One will continue to be overtaken by what used to be considered evil spirits. These are no different than what we would consider origins of disease:

External pathogens;

Dietary or environmental toxins;

A posturing of anger that keeps one in a state of internal distress;

A state of victimhood, where one is at the mercy of another;

Unexamined, subconscious fear.

These can show up as chronic inflammatory conditions, hormonal imbalances, cancer, strokes, bleeding disorders, reproductive disturbances, heart attacks, you name it. Where disease has appeared, its origin is in losing ones resonance with ones own heart and place in the world.

Healing can be addictive, if one continues to rely on outside sources for ultimate healing. If there were a true healer, they would render their work irrelevant and put themselves out of business. So, in my view, real healing is helping someone to raise their energetic level to the point where they become their own healer. They transcend the need to be healed.

Fertility Acupressure - Luteal and Pre-Mentrual Phase

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdnni2i6mdE

Fertility Acupressure - Follicular Phase

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWjNX-PxdM0

Fertility Massage - Femoral Reproductive Massage Video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBhifKPeqg0